Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
