Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
