We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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