omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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