I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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