i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
