There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
