R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
