No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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