Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
