i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
