How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
