the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
