I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
