I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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