FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
did you just send me my own nude
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
