WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
