I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
