How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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