Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
