considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
