I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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