Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
