totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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