So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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