I wish i was in the wii world.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
