Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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