Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
