my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
