when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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