dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
