um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
