no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
