You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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