i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
