I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
