Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
