remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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