yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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