hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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