I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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