omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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