Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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