if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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