She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
