Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
