babies were throwing up all over the place
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
