:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
