I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
