Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize