Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
