There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
