We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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