T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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