we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We need to rekindle our bromance
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Girls should come with a carfax report
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox