Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.