At least make sure they are 18
Why
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woke up backwards on a recliner
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to align my fucking chakras
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
