I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
