Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
