So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
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I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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