i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
