Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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