We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
