So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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