Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She's the barista slut.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
