you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
